The End

It's strange how you look back and see how things changed, or how Gods hand has been in your life.

I have not posted on here in a long time.... I've also had family members say I'm not the Tori I used to be and looking back I see it. I want to be that Tori again. Happy, Energetic, Loving, and Spiritual.

Some of you may know and some of you may be shocked to hear but I am divorcing Mitchel.
I want to get it all out right here right now, clear the air, give my story. There are 2 sides to every story and this is just mine.

To me there was a time where he seemed distant, I had a hard time watching him kiss on stage and was working through that. When I was in doubt he always reassured me that I was his one and only, I started to think it was me catastrophizing. We went through a rough patch and started seeing a therapist together, we worked on our communication and we worked on some other plans. I read the book the Respect he deserves and the love she desires and it was a good book to follow, I tried working on those things in my marriage. After some time and feeling that every time he came home he wasn't really home, I started to worry. In Aug a few weeks before our anniversary we went for a walk and had a long talk, where he told me he has doubted our relationship/ marriage since before we were married, how we don't have what others have, and how he dose not like looking at our wedding photos. I proposed to him that we split up for some time but we decided that we would keep trying, I gave him 3 months to get on medication for his depression and his OCD. four months later still no medication and I had to make a decision. I know medication will not solve this marriage issue but he did need to be in a more healthy mind set. I personally felt that there was a lot of talk and not much action. When his brothers found out something they said stood out to me. One of them said if it had anything to do with Katie then he was making a mistake and they could tell he was different too. Wow maybe I wasn't catastrophizing, He's brother noticed something too. I finally asked him straight up if anything ever happened. He said back in Jan 2017 He started having feelings for/ connecting with Katie but it wasn't Katie it was her character Masha. He never acted on his feelings, I believe him, but he still was not connected to me nor did he tell me things so we could work on it. On top of all these things Mitch stopped wearing garments, threw away his temple clothes and stopped attending church. We tried compromising on things but that did not work either. Among other things we did not communicate well, I would close off because I felt like he was gaslighting me.
I'd like everyone to not tell me that "if it ever came down to it toris the one to save the marriage." or other such things similar. It is not my responsibility to save him. Marriage is a two way street. I can not and will not be the only one in it, especially when I am not loved.
I would like to tell others to just support us both in the decision we have made, so we can move on. That's all that we need.

I want everyone to know I have been so happy with this decision and God has put so many people in my life that have lead me to a place where I can be strong and able to support my girls on my own. I am thankful to all my family and friends who have been so supportive as well.

here is a song that describes a bit how I feel.....

It almost seems like yesterday when we came to this place
you were strong and steadfast and our lives were full of faith
as we traveled on our journey thoughts began to wander
I could see you drifting from the living water
By the river where the trees are strong and their leaves are green and do not wither
by the river where the fruit grows sweet in the seasons of our lives.

Oh You know I loved you and all the life we shared
but you're walking towards the desert and I can't go with you there
for I have felt his witness and it's made my roots grow stronger
no you can always find me by the living water.
By the river where the trees are strong and their leaves are green and do not wither
by the river where the fruit grows sweet in the seasons of our lives.
by the river you can always find me.
by the river you can always find me.