Anyone seen this show?
This was my marriage, but with the alternative ending.
Chasing his dream to be an actor, but his family came second and he had an emotional affair with the other lady, and instead of choosing his wife and family and fixing things, he stayed silent.
I believe his priorities started to change as time went on and that his depression got progressively worse, along with his OCD thought process, and his selfishness.
I say this because it was not always that way. It just got worse with time. One time he would not come out of his movie to help Lydia and I in the parking lot with a broken car. Or the time I gave birth to our youngest on the day that his childhood home was demolished and he said that he regretted not being there, and the time that our brand new baby who never cried was dropped on her head by her sister, no matter what I did she would not stop crying. It was suggested that I take her to instacare, Mitch had the car and he was let out of rehearsal. Instacare told us to go to the ER and the whole way he kept saying how he needed to be at rehearsal and I should drop him off before going to the ER. Our child was falling asleep and could have had a consussion, and all he could think about was rehearsal. The last little while things were moving in a cycle, about every 3rd month things were falling apart, even with therapy. He would come back to this thing about doubting our marriage. I finally could not take it any more and he talked about how we did not have what others have and how he couldn't stand our wedding photos. That was so hard to hear. I tried everything, therapy and communicating , giving him his space, trying to be there more for him. When I finally removed myself emotionally, I found out that I was the only one in the relationship, it felt as though I was the only one holding this together.
We shared the same therapist and he had us work on communicating, Mitch would not talk to me about acting yet complained that I wasn't supportive enough. I struggled communicating when he would talk to me a certain way, because I would shut down and just go into myself. Which I later learned was what I did when ever I was being gaslighted or put down. CJ our therapist would send me home multiple times with homework, I was to write down my deal breakers. When we got married I told him I did not believe in divorce and that we are to give it our all before that becomes a thing, although my immediate deal breakers were abuse, infidelity (adultery), and leaving the church. Well he was starting to leave the church but I told myself at first that I could be supportive and we could still do this. I could not do it. My children were starting to suffer from that decision and I could see it in their behaviors. This is not the example my children need, and I believe they should have a better influence on how they should be treated as wives.
I do not write this in anger, but I write this in sadness for all that has had to happen.
There was a talk given in church awhile back called Three Sisters by Dieter F Uchtdorf .
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/10/three-sisters?lang=eng&country=de
It is about 3 sisters. 1 is sad, 1 is mad, and 1 is glad. It was hard not to cry because I used to be the glad sister and saw how I need to be more like her again. I see how I am both the sad and the mad sister. The "medicine" he prescribes for those two sisters I knew is what I needed to do. We need to forgive those that hurt us, it's not an easy road but it is possible.
Some may look down on me for my decision to get divorced, and you know what, I don't care. I believe God would not let someone stay with another for eternity if it was painful on earth. I saw the workings of the Lord preparing me for this, so how can I deny that. I was given a job that would support me, and my girls could even attend, they pushed me to earn my CDA. Certain friends were put in my path at the right moment, even my new bishop who used to work with lawyers had ties to the lawyer I ended up using, who then my mom recognized. These are only some of the many things I noticed.
Divorce is no walk in the park, it is hard, it is scary, it is sad, mad, confused, tired, and many other things, but you can make the best of it.
Mitchel and I have our differences and problems but we are doing our best to be the best we can be for our girls.
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